This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a Russian navalship with American authorities off Costa Rica in October,1985.

Russians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Russians: This is the Captain of a Russian naval vessel. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Americans: No. I say again, YOU divert YOUR course.

Russians: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER BREZNIETSKI, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE ATLANTIC FLEET OF THE USSR, YANKEE SON-OF-A-BITCH . WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE MOTHERFUCKER DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP!!

Americans: This is a lighthouse, ASSHOLE........ Your call.