Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in
the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily
Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash
or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up
my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape..
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement
for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The
bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe....... For now....