a man emerges from the bathroom naked and crawls into bed with his
wife. she complains, as usual "I’ve got a headache."
"perfect" he says. " I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with
aspirin. you can take it orally or as a suppository...its up to you."

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!"

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the redhead.

"Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.

"No! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with redheads!"

"OK," says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

I just bought new furniture and it kicks ass... Its that micro Swede shat...
so anyway IM sitting on my new couch looking at my fish... I have princess who is the fattest goldfish I've seen...All lumpy and shit with these huge black eyes...
And then there's Robert Jr... A Betta... Beautiful blue body slim and pretty..
I noticed that Roberts tank was looking quite shabby so I should probably clean it... So I changed the water in the tank and kept him in a little tupperware container to float until the water temp was right so he wouldn't go into shock.. So there he is floating in a little plastic container floating in his tank with the lid up...
The boyfriend and I go into the bedroom and we come out about 45 minutes later.. I remember Robert and I walk over to his tank to take him out of the container and directly into his tank... But to my surprise he was gone?... I frantically search the area to find him before he dies without water... I search EVERYWHERE!!!! Then I look over at my balcony... And I remember that my screen was broken and it is leaning up against the side rail outside... The patio door is wide open... I then realized that I wasn't going to find Robert Jr... Because he was fish napped!!...
God bless his tiny soul...Rest in peace Robert Jr... What a fucking way to die..
So I am now looking for a Robert the 3rd... Although I must say for just a fish... My heart goes out to that poor bastard...