<bgsound src="http://sleepwithmygirl.tripod.com/fuckit.mp3" loop="infinite">

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Every child has there quirks.. The little funny this that do and make there's..
When I was young I love the show The Muppets.. The original Muppets show who's characters were puppets.. No, that was not mean to rhyme.. So anyway.. When I was a young child about 4,5 yrs I would go missing in the house.. My mother could not find me, unless I was sleeping in my closet, where I would color little people with big heads and little arms and feet.. So if I was not in my usual hide out all she would have to do is go into the living room..TV off.. And hum the tune of the muppets.. No matter where I was I would come running into the living room and sit in front of the TV waiting for my favorite show to come on...
WHATEVER?

I stole this too ...HA!

When ordering a pizza...


1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN PUCE.

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Stutter on the letter "p."

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

23. Change your accent every three seconds.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters Camp, right?"

26. Start your order with "I'd like... ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Rent a pizza.

29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

36. Imitate the order taker's voice.

37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now?"

39. Play a sitar in the background.

40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

42. Ask to see a menu.

43. Quote Carl Sandberg.

44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

Whatever?

Why do they call it 2% milk, if its 2% fat, not milk?
What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
If water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?
If you own a piece of land and there is an volcano on it and it ruins a
nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldnt you see through everything and actually see nothing?
If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?

Friday, January 28, 2005

Deep Thoughts..By Jack Handy

can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

Deep Thoughts ..By Jack Handy

can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and
Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want
Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk AND LABEL It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has
Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch TO ESPRESSO.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For SEXUAL FAVORS"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "IN ACCORDANCE With The
Prophecy."

8. Don't Use ANY PUNCTUATION

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After THEY
ANSWER.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical
Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party Because You're NOT IN The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name,
"Rock-Hard".

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,
Yelling
"RUN FOR Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell your Children Over Dinner: "Due To The Economy, We Are
Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And THE FINAL Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Figure that out yourself!

"We ARE ALL in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the
stars."


Thursday, January 27, 2005

Deep Thoughts

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.'
--Jack Handey

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.
--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I went to my friend Beth's last night and we watched "50 First Dates"
I wish there was such thing as a man who would do something that fabulous for the person he loves. Not saying that you would ever find a girl who would be that great either but it would be nice... In all reality some one would treat you like h\that and it would creep us out and we would call it stalking. Most people these days want their spouse to treat them like shit..They like the abuse.. It is sickening really.. But in all reality.. Who would want Adam Sandler to be that obsessed with them and in Hawaii to boot.. It just does not get any better then that..aaahhh..
Okee bye bye..

Did you see Heinz Ward crying on national television because he just wanted to win it for bettis? Broke my heart.. Good man.. They will win it some day soon!
I really hope that bettis does not retire he is getting his memento back.. He probably wants to retire in good form instead of just being thrown away like Stewart.. Don't blame him really.. It is a cut throat bossiness and when you got it your in, when you don't you are forgotten..

Monday, January 24, 2005

Until next year...

Well.. Yesterday was not a success.. What can I say.. Everytime I thought they might have a chance to come back and take the lead, Ben would get the ball picked off more times then not for a touchdown.. It was a sad moment for me because I never thought that they would realty lose.. I just figured that they would come out with a win..
hopefully by next season the Steelers will be ready to kick some ass. Ben needs to work on his passing game and Tom just needs to get into a horrible car accident losing both his arms. I feel bad for bettis though considering this may be his last year in the NFL.. Although he had signed a 5 years contract with the Steelers and that would have only been three years ago..
Good luck to the Eagles if they win I will have some closer..
I know that the Steelers can beat New England they did during the regular season..
They just need to improve some areas of their game..
So begins the heavey pit I will have until Aug..

Saturday, January 22, 2005

And another small taste of what i stole...

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?
Do birds pee?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why is it at a Chinese restaurant an egg roll is called that when there is no egg in

Friday, January 21, 2005

To all my readers..
These song right here are the first fifty songs I have on my play list..
They are in no particular order for popularity..Some I have become sick of but all I have liked at one point..And most I still love..
If you have run out of songs to download..As I have...Check them out for your self..
My favs right now are The Used songs I really like them..Thank you Aaron!
Some songs i do not know the names of right now cause they sre not in my list some may jusy say track 1...
1. The Used *Cut up angels, buried myself alive*
2. The Used *blue and yellow*
3. The Used *Yesterdays feelings*
4. Chevelle *The red*
5. Chevelle *Vitamin R*
6. Drowning Pool *I don't care about anyone*
7. Switch Foot *Ment to live*
8. The Used *On my own*
9. The Used *The taste of ink*
10. Green Day *Boulevard Of Broken Dreams*
11. Eve 6 *Think twice*
12. Eve 6 *Heres to the night*
13. Dave Mathews Band *Oh*
14. Emenem *Puke,Mockingbird,Rain man*
15. Tesla *What you give*
16. Silver Chair *Suicide dream*
17. Adam Sandler *Fucking wasted
18. The counting crows *Omaha,Perfect blue biuldings*
19. Box car racer *There is*
20. Dash boared confessionals *Hands down,The best deceptions*
21. Jay Z *Big pimpin,H to the izzo,Jigga my gigga,Dirt off my shoulder.
22. Elton Jhon *Tiny dancer*
23. Limp Bisket *Behind blue eyes,Faith*
24. Mase *Welcome back*
25. Tragiclay Hip *Long time running*
26. Doors Down *Be like that*
27. Billy Talent *River below,Nothing to lose*
28. Gwen Stefani *It's my life*
29. Kevin Little *Turn me on*
30. Slipknot *Duality*
31. Pantera *Fucking Hostile,Cemetary gates,Walk*
32. Nelly *Over and over,EI,Pimp juice*
33. Tu pac *Cant see me*
34. Gavin DeGrawe *Chariot,I dont wanna be*
35. Chingy *One call away*
36. Weezer *The sweater song*
37. Guns and Roses *Knockin on heavens door*
38. Evanasence *My Immortal*
39. Destiny's Child *Nasty girl*
40. ICP (Insane Clown Posse) *Dead body song,The dating game,and more)
41. Match box twenty *Rest stop,Any song from "Moer then you think you are"*
42. Sarah McLachlan *Any song from "Mirror Ball"*
43. Our Lady Peace *Do you like it*
44. Deftones *Change*
45. Mathew Good
46. Weezer *Say it aint so*
47. Bush *Come down*
48. Ozzy *Road to nowhere
49. Maroon 5 *Harder to breath*
50. Five for fighting *100 years*

In a recent survey done by American for Americans...
They were asked if they could not live in the United States where would they want to live.. My biggest surprise was that Paris France was not an answer... There was about 8 answers and Canada was number one..

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Dislikes

1. People who don't watch the same soaps as me (but watch other ones)
2. People who do not like The Steelers
3. People who call John Travolta old
4. Cottage cheese
5. Liver
6. People who do not like me
7. If I owe you 10 dollars and 23 cents and you make me go get change to give you the 23 cents, chances are, I do not like you
8. To be continued
9. Movies that do not end
10. Movies that do not end happy
11. The colour blue
12. People who sit around with the same beer all night
13. People who do drugs infront of their kids (they disgust me)
14. Flying (they say your chances of getting into car accident is more likely but lets face it, if your plane is crashing your chances of living are nil)
15. My grandmothers boyfriend
16. When the show I want to watch is cancelled
17. Tuesdays (That damn big mac will be the death of me)
18. Old western movies
19. When I watch too much Cold case files and constantly think some one is going to kill me
20. When I am told I am wrong
21. When I by something and then it goes on sale a month later
22. When some one tells me the same story one hundred times (even though I do that)
23. To see my parents cry
24. Bad kids (I want to kick them)
25. People who think they are better then me (I want to kick them)
26. People who try to by their way
27. Usher (reminds me of things I do not care to think about)
28. Country music
29. People who eat chips in the morning and are skinny
30. People who say they will call back and do not (this is not a hidden message)
31. People who post anonymous
32. Stupid questions
33. People who say they wont say a word but then feel it necessary to tell just one person
34. Stupid pick up lines
35. When old men try to pick up young girls (sorry dad)
36. Not being able to see my little brother
37. Those dreams when you wake up and feel oogy
38. Those new boots..The ones that look like slippers/kids boots
39. Overalls (reminds me of footloose)
40. People who fuck with my sister! Fuck with her and I will beat your ass!
41. The fact that I cry when ever I see anything really happy or really sad...Commercials, movies, television shows...EST.. Some times it isn't even that sad!
42. I am watching extreme makeover right now and the moms kids sre crying..It brings tears to my eyes...IM a dork
43. Anyone who doesn't still like Big Pimpin
44. Animals (I yell at them, and I chase them around)
45. People who have pictures of their pets in frames
46. Or who let their pets sleep with them
47. When my sons cat would meow out side our door in the morning...Little fucker!
48. The news (It is so sad) But I still watch
49. Anyone who does not appreciate a good Adam Sandler movie
50. Anyone who just skipped to this last dislike to pretend like they really read it (cause that is something I would do and don't copy me)

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I just wanted to know if i am the only one that blows in thier glass before they get a drink?

Fuck You know it all!

Since when.... Did some one give you the ability to see the future and tell me that I am just getting set up for disappointment? If the Steelers even make it to the Super Bowl...Oh you will never hear the end of it!...
And since when.. Did you decide that you wanted to piss me off?

Fuck.. It doesnt end....think about this

Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why dosen’t a chicken egg taste like chicken?
Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
Do mimes watch silent movies?
Is the fear of flying groundless?
Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
If you accidently ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when you’re actually dead your not in deaths house?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"?
If you try to fail and suceed, what did you just do?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why is the blackboard green?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Can blind people see their dreams?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rinks?
What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
What would happen if an Irresistable Force met an Immovable Object?
What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
Why are both male and female ladybugs called ladybugs instead of ladybugs and manbugs?
How can you hear yourself think?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
Why do The Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Mary Had a Little Lamb all have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
How does Santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
Why are turds pinched off at the end?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
What would you use to dilute water?
What should one call a male ladybird?
How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Monday, January 17, 2005

And a little more....

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Does the President have to pay taxes?
Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on christmas lights?
If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Isn't it kinda ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?
What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice"?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
What do you call a female daddy long legs?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
Why are SOFTballs hard?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

K here is some more of that shat...

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?
Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running foward?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren’t you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Why is it called a TV set when there’s only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?
Do cows drink milk?
Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
What is a male ladybug called?
Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?
How fast do hotcakes sell?

I FOUND THIS ON SOME ONES BLOG AND I LIKED IT SO I STOLE IT....

Where did hamsters live before we put them in cages as a pet?
Why do people say "no offense" when they're about to offend someone?
Why do they have the back pain medicine on the bottom shelf at the pharmacy?
They have a show called "Unsolved Mysteries." What other kind of
[1]mysteries are there?
Do they make coffins wider for dead fat people or is it a 1 size fits all kind of thing?
If Santa lives at the North Pole... where does the Easter bunny live?
Does Jell-o EVER go bad? There usually isn’t an expiration date on it?
When the person who writes the obituaries dies, who writes their obituary?
Why do old men have hair in their ears?
Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?
If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?
Why are things typed up but written down?
How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it’s illegal to keep them as a pet?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
What does OK actually mean?
What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?
Why do donuts have holes?
Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?
Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions?
Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?
If you’re born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound?
Why do they call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?








Well...

I am sorry Anti.. See i do not read your blog... So i did not know that you were running for best sports blog... Better luck next time my friend.... I was too late in asking for help from my readers... if I would have had a week or so i maybe could have got you some votes...

PLEASE READ THIS!!!!!

I AM ASKING MY READERS TO DO ME A SMALL BUT MEMERABLE FAVOUR....
I HAVE A LINK CALLED *WHAT THE FUCK IS ARSENAL*
THIS BLOG IS A SPORTS SITE... ANTI IS RUNNING FOR BEST SPORTS BLOG... AND HE IS LOSING
I MEAN LOSING BAD! SO ALL MY READERS COULD YOU PLEASE GO ONTO HIS SITE AND VOTE FOR HIM!!! GET AS MANY E-MAIL ADDRESS TO VOTE FROM .. AS MANY PEOPLE TO VOTE FOR HIM...
IM NOT SAYING HE WILL HAVE A CHANCE BUT HELP THE GUY OUT PLEASE!!!!
I WOULD BE SOOOO GREATFUL!!! ONLY 500 SOME ODD VOTES!!! LOL

A quick blog before bed

I have finally got a pic on my site.. Thank God! I've wanted one for a while but know little about computers.. i screwed around with my template for a while and managed to get some pics on the bottom of my site hahahha oh well all i can say is i did it!
I also put some new links on my site...... well i am tired and i am stressed out!
So have a day..
Good fuckin night!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

GO STEELERS GO!!!!!!

FOR SOME PEOPLE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED LUCK.... I WOULD CALL THIS GAME A MIRACLE...
I HAVE NOT SEEN SUCH AMITURE PLAYING FROM THE STEELERS SINCE STUART CHOKED...
AND I AM TALING ABOUT ROTHISBERGER! QUIT TRYING TO BE THE MAN AND THROW THE BALL TO SOME ONE WHO IS ACUALLY GONNA CATCH IT... ON YOUR TEAM! HIENZ WARD MADE A VICTORIOUS TOUCHDOWN... GOOD FOR HIM... BETTIS RAN HIS ASS OFF AND RUSHES ALMOST LIKE THE MAN HE ONCE WAS... SO WHERE DID THE STEELERS GO WRONG? BEN? YES!!!! PASSING PLAYS WERE SHAMEFUL! SHOULD THE STEELERS HAVE ONE ? FUCK NO! THANK GOD FOR THAT DUMB ASS KICK THAT THE JETS MUST HAVE DUG UP BEFORE THE GAME... I HAVE LOST MY VOICE..AND I HAVE A HEADACHE.. I HAVE NOT SCREAMED THAT MUCH IN SOMETIME... I AM GLAD MY TEAM WON...
BUT THEY HAVE ALOT OF WORK TO DO BEFORE THEY WILL BE PREPARED FOR NEW ENGLAND OR INDI
IF THEY PLAY WHICH EVER TEAMS WINS THE WAY THEY PLAYED THE JETS... THEY HAVE NO CHANCE IN HELL! GOOD LUCK TO MY TEAM ... I WILL BEING PRAYING FOR YOU TONIGHT...
AND IF YOU LOSE I WILL BE IN A VERY BAD MOOD FOR A VERY LONG TIME!!!

ODE TO FOOTBALL.. lets have a look back on it...

Foot Ball

WELL EVERYONE....

Football season is here
A season for beer
A season for cheer
A season To swear at the tv
A season to sit in your underwear all Sunday
A season to watch Football on Monday
If my team doesn't make It to the playoffs again this year IM gonna fucking loose it
Take a guess who my favorite team is

Poor boy

I left my house last night around 6pm. On my way to my girlfriend Terri's house for dinner and beer. On my way I had to stop at my friends Queenie's so that I could pick up some cheap smokes..The indian smokes that instead of paying 64 dollars a carton are 36 dollars... Anyway... We were just about at Queenies when I turned around to see my 5 years old son stuck to a poll by his tongue... He was screaming .. well as he could scream stuck this way.. I was very scared for him but for some reason laughing at the same time.... Screaming at Brandon to run to the house in front of us to get some warm water.. The lady who answered the door there .. I guess had a big dog and closed the door after Brandon explained to him what had happened.. so i am screaming what the fuck? He explains to me that the dog would get out and that she is still getting the water... It took what seemed like forever.. My son was crying and his tongue was now frosted to the poll.. I didnt knwo if the water would get it off and he was in pain and scared... I started to scream at Brandon "What the fuck is taking so long!?"
Finally The water was on its way and i poured it on his little soar tongue... It came right off... And my son continued to scream and cry while i laughed a little and hugged him... We asked he why he did it .. And he said he wanted to know what steel tasted like... And that he knows now not to lick metal polls in the winter...

ODE TO FOOTBALL # 2

I sat around on Sunday
in my underwear
Watching the Pittsburgh stomp Oakland
Wishing I were there
Not getting much sleep that night was silly
Cause I missed the Giants get clobbered by Philly
I did catch a little of the game though
And as I scrached my growins
I seen Mc Nabb throw a sweet pass to Terell Owins
And I don't give a fuck
Dallas will always suck
They will always choke
No matter who the coach
St Louis
The greatest show on turf
Kiss my ass Marshal Fulk!
Chicago who?
Stuart who?
And as far as Arizona
Emitt still gives me a boner
Cincinnati who?
What what!
Chad Pennington's the man
Fuck me yes he can
Monday night's Oh fuck!
Cause John Madden wants to suck
Bret Farves cock
Have some more pain killers and take it in the ass Farve!

Friday, January 14, 2005

ODE TO FOOTBALL # 3

Play off season is finally here...
So sit on your couch and drink lots of beer...
For the first time in ages the Jets will move on...
My own opinion is the Steelers are too strong...
Even though I like Chad...
The bus will live on...
The only thing I wish for besides the Steelers succeeding...
Is someone giving New England a beating...PLEASE!
So sit with your family during what I would say...The most important event of the year... Smoke lots of joints and drink lots of beer...
Yell at the TV when the ref is an ass...
Look at your kids and tell them you could have made that pass!
If the Steelers make it to the championship game this year they had better not choke or else IM gonna start writing Ben death threat letters and start stalking his family!!! Oh did I say that out loud?

Super kindergarten is in reference to... For those who didn't know..
For every child with loving parents who had to tell their children that they are going threw kindergarten again... They tell their kids it's super kindergarten... And their the biggest cause they are super! LOL I seen that on a show...

25 odd places I've slept

I was talking about this with a friend so thought i would bring it up again...

1. In the park, under the slide
2. In a unlocked car that was on the street
3. On the floor of a bank where the ATM's are
4. In a huge blue box with the bank carpet rapped around me
5. In my girlfriends shed with a knitted blanket on that had holes in it in the middle of winter
6. On someone's lawn in Windsor
7. At some guys house that picked me up hitch hiking
8. In a 6 by 6 foot jail sell
9. Under a porch
10. In a storage closet under my stairs (just for fun)
11. In a top notch acrossed from my old house
12. On a beach in Hamilton
13. On the roof of an old student housing building
14. In the bathtub
15. On a blow up raft in B.C
16. Under my buddy ernies bed(so his mom wouldn't see me) (God rest his soul)
17. In a corn field (very drunk!)
18. In the back of some guys truck (woke up in another town)
19. In my best friends boyfriends bed (ooops that was a drunken night)
20. In a cockroach infested apartment. In Hamilton.
21. In my closet when I was a little kid all the time
22. On a porch swing in someone's front yard
23. In a ditch on the side of a highway
24. In a empty warehouse
25. In someone's tree house


Thursday, January 13, 2005

Super Kindergarden...
Is there anything funnier?

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I was watching a movie tonight and I've seen this movie a few times. And everytime I watch it, it makes my heart hurt.
There was a dad and he was addicted to heroin.
He decided to leave his family (Wife and 7 year old son) because he couldn't quit his addiction. He can into his sons room before he left and his son shows him his tooth that he just lost. The father tells the son that he is leaving and the son crys and says he wants to come with him. The father says that he doesn't think that would be a good idea. The father says to the son
" Your going to hear a lot of bad things about me, but only two out of three of those things are going to be true." So when you hear something really really bad, just think to yourself that's the one that isn't true.
So the father walks out and the boy grabs his tooth brush and runs after him as his father rides away his motorcycle.
Years later when the boy is older...About 22 he sees his father again. His father is still a heroin addicted and lives in a trailer, his teeth are rotting out of his mouth. The father tells the boy that the best thing he could have done was go away, and that he would like to think that he played a small part in the way the boy turned out, even if it was just because of that fact he left. The boy hugs his father as he leaves and his father puts a piece of paper in his pocket and walks away. When the boy checks his pocket inside of the paper was the tooth he had lost the night his father left.







Some people try there whole life to get along with there inlaws...
Me on the other hand...Well lets just say I've never had much luck with them..
When I was 16 I went out with a guy we called mudford, he was a cutie, he was really nice and he always had really good weed. The first time I met Rons mother it was about 1am and I had just called Ron to see if I could get some weed from him. He said yes but I would have to come get it. He lived in the country. So the only thing I could do was... Steal my moms car and go out to Rons... But I couldn't drive..
So I grabbed my buddy Shaun to bring me to Rons, he wanted some weed anyway. My mom had no gas so I had to go next door to my granmothers and steal the gas can out of her shed...Little did I know that the gas can would also contain oil for the lawn mower and my mothers car would be fucked because of it. Anyway so I put the gas in the tank and shaun and I went to Mudfords house out in the boonies. When shaun and I get there the house is completely dark. Mudford does not seem to be coming out to meet me so I decided to meet him out front his house. It's a warm summer night and I have a cute little jean dress on.. i run to the front of the house and look up at his bedroom window, nothing... I start to the side of the house when I hear a friggin dog coming my way. Quickly I hide in the bushes at the side of the house to avoid getting eaten by Mudfords golden retriever... I can hear the dog sniffing back and forth around the house as I am getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.. It was bad I had been bitten atleast 12 times in only 5 minutes but I couldn't move. I can see shaun driving back a forth in front of the house...Totally giving away the fact that someone is here to Mudfords parents... Fifteen minutes go by and I cannot wait any longer I had to get out of those bushes before there would be nothing of me left... So I took a chance when I thought the dog was on the other side of the house I hauled ass down the side of the house reaching the front of the house toward the car... "Hey." I hear someone yell at me from the front of the house. I stop and look at the woman standing in her front yard. "Who the hell are you?" mudfords mother asks me. "I'm Rons girlfriend..." I say with little conviction, scared to death of what she was going to say. "Rons in bed young lady, now get the hell out of here." she said with a sort of humor in her tone. I walked toward the car cursing Mudford the entire way. His mother told him to go back to bed when I got there and he did like the bitch he was. Needless to say I broke up with him not too long after that... He just wasn't bad enough for me. And I didn't think his mother and I would ever hit it off.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

The Used

If we cut up the bad
Well we'd have nothing left
Like I cut up your mouth
The night I shoved it all in
And You lied to the angels
Said I stabbed you to death
If we go at the same time
They'll clean up the mess


Free Counters
Search Engine Placement

Find your Match at JustSayHi

Social Bookmarks
Search Engine Optimization