Dont Waste Your Breath: December 2005

NEW SEX POSTION

This is called the rodeo.
Get into the doggy style position, grab onto her
breasts, tell her they feel just like her sisters, and then try holding on for 8
seconds....

I CAUGHT MY SUPER GOING INTO MY NEIGHBORS APARTMENT WHEN THEY WEREN'T HOME...
FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!!! I JUST DON'T THINK THIS IS EVER GOING TO END... I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF THIS FUCKING SOAP OPERA.. IT WASN'T THE LADY...YA RIGHT THAT 300 POUND FAT PIECE OF SHIT WOULDN'T GET OFF HER ASS... SHE SENDS HER 100-POUND CREEPY LOOKING HUSBAND TO DO THE DIRTY WORK... THEY HAVE BEEN CAUGHT DOING THIS MULTIPLE TIMES AND I DON'T THINK THEY CARE... I'M JUST WAITING FOR THEM TO COME OVER HERE AND BRIBE ME NOT TO TELL RYAN WHAT THEY WERE DOING... THE GOOF EVEN HAD ONE OF HIS WORKERS STANDING WATCH FOR HIM... I DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE ANYMORE..
NOT THAT I EVER REALLY DID BUT THEY WOULD ALWAYS STRIKE UP CONVERSATIONS WITH ME AND I WOULD TALK WITH THEM FOR A WHILE... I NO LONGER DO THIS... I HAVE DAY DREAMED OF SPRAY PAINING THEIR TRUCK OR THROWING A BRICK THREW IT... BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO ACTUALLY DO SO.. MAYBE SOME DAY... MY FRIENDS J.P AND ALLISA ARE SUING THE SUPERS FOR A BUNCH OF THINGS AND THEY WANT 10,000 DOLLARS FOR REIMBURSEMENTS... I HOPE THEY WIN...I THINK I AM GOING TO GO AS A WITNESS... HAHHAHA I JUST REALIZED THAT I AM WATCHING TREE HOUSE...A CARTOON CHANNEL THAT MY SON WATCHES... AND I JUST SPENT ABOUT 2 MINUTES WATCHING CARTOON ANIMALS PUT TOGETHER A PUZZLE... I OFTEN FIND MYSELF WATCHING THESE CARTOONS AND WANTING TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END HAHAHHA ... SOME OF THESE SHOWS ARE GOOD... LIKE "MONA THE VAMPIRE" OR "SPONGE BOB" THERE'S OTHER ONE I LIKE ALSO BUT DON'T KNOW THE NAMES... ANYWAY TTYL!!!!

1:46 AM AND HERE I SIT... SLEEPLESS AGAIN... IT SEEMS I AM GOING TO NEED SOME SORT OF SLEEPING AID.. THOUGH I AM AWAKE RIGHT NOW I WILL BE UP AT EIGHT AND OUT THE DOOR BY QUARTER TO NINE... SHITTY DEAL...

SO CHRISTMAS IS COMING EH?
FUCK'IN STRESS ...AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S LESS THEN A WEEK AWAY... MAKES ME WONDER... HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO SIT THROUGH ANOTHER CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY HAHHAA I'M SURE I'LL SURVIVE BUT TRUST ME ...THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES A YEAR I SEE THEM...

ANOTHER THOUGHT... SOME GUYS AT AN AFTER PARTY STABBED MY SISTERS ROOMMATE CHAD... NOW BEFORE I SAY THIS DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY... BY THREE BLACK GUYS... I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVE WHITE...BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT ALL THREE OF THEM WERE BLACK... AND THEY ALL HAD FUNNY NAMES LIKE "NUNU" ECT... SO THE GUY WHO STABBED HIM HIT AN ARTERY AND CHAD ALMOST DIED... HE NEEDED SURGERY AND WILL HAVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF FOR A FEW MONTHS... SO HE WILL BE MOVING HOME WITH HIS MOTHER... IN WHICH CASE MY SISTER CALLED TO SAY SHE WILL BE MOVING BACK HERE... I LOVE MY SISTER TO DEATH... BUT WHEN WE LIVE TOGETHER WE FIGHT...A LOT!! IT ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT SHE ENJOYS TO SLEEP ALL DAY AND IS UP ALL NIGHT... THE GIRL WEIGHS ONE HUNDRED POUNDS AND COULD EAT A HORSE LOL... BUT ALL THE SAME SHE IS ONE OF THE FEW FAMILY MEMBERS I ENJOY TO SPEND TIME WITH... SHE IS DREADING CHRISTMAS ALSO...
ANYWAY GOING TO BED ...
SWEET DREAMS ALL!!!!

MY TASTES CHANCE SO MUCH...LIKE RIGHT NOW I'M WATCHING CSI...I ALSO ENJOY A GOOD LAW AND ORDER... BUT I CAN'T WATCH EVERYTHING ..SO I SWITCH EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE... AMERICAN JUSTICE...COLD CASE...THIS SHIT GETS ME PARANOID THO...LOL

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?

OKAY I SCREWED THIS POST UP CAUSE I GUESS IT LOOKS LIKE MY LIST BUT IT'S NOT...
MINE IS .... IN NO ORDER... MEDIUM...FAMILY GUY... SOUTH PARK...SEX AND THE CITY... NFL SUNDAY FOSHO!... THE OC HAHAHHA CAN'T HELP IT..

1. FAMILY GUY

2. THE WAR AT HOME

3. THE SIMPSONS

4. SOUTH PARK

5. CSI

6. THE OC

7. MY NAME IS EARL

8. THE APPRENTICE

9. SURVIVOR

10. MEDIUM

11. OR YOU JUST PREFER TO WATCH TAPED PORN...

WHAT'S CARTMEN UP TO?

THIS MORNING CARTMEN WAS SINGING...

Cartman (singing): I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face

THIS AFTERNOON CARTMEN WAS SAYING...

Cartman: Handle it? For two billion dollars I could handle my Grandpa's balls dude.

AFTER SCHOOL CARTMEN WAS NOTICING....

Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina

THIS EVENING CARTMEN CAME TO REALIZE...

Cartman: Well, I've been lickin' this carpet for 3 whole hours and I don't feel like a lesbian.

A BAD NIGHT IN THE FUCKING LEAST!

WELL THE DAY MOVES ON WITH MORE FUCKING LEACHES NAUGHING AT EVERY LAST FUCKING MORSEL THEY CAN TEAR FROM MY FUCKING HANDS... I'VE ALREADY HAD COMPLAINTS FROM THE LANDLORD HERE, THAT I'M TOO LOUD .. AND TONIGHT THEY FUCKING HEARD ME FOR SURE!
YOU SEE...I HAVE MOTHER PROBLEMS...MINES AN IDIOT... I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT HER TELLING ME SHE WOULD PICK ME UP TO TAKE ME TO MY ULTRASOUND... AND WHAT DO YOU FUCKING KNOW... THERE I SAT WITHOUT A RIDE...SHE STOLE EVERY RING I'VE EVER OWNED...MY RINGS FROM EVERY BOYFRIEND WHO EVER GAVE ME ONE... SHE HAS NEVER BEEN THERE FOR ME.. I COULD GO ON WITH OTHER STORIES BUT I'LL SPARE YOU... AND THEN I GET A CALL AND SHE'S ASKING ME TO BORROW MY CAR TO GO SHOP LIFT WITH HER FRIEND...AND MAYBE STOP AT A FEW MORE PLACES TO PICK UP SOME DRUGS ... FUCK THE FUCK OOOOOOFFFFF!
OH I'M FUMING RIGHT NOW! IT'S LIKE I GIVE AND GIVE AND GIVE...WELL I'M FUCKING DONE!!! FUCK YA'S ALL!!! YOU WANT TO WASTE YOUR LIFE POKEN NEEDLES IN YOUR NECK AND NOT BOTHERING TO GO FIND A JOB TO BY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS THEN FACE THEN GOD DAMNED CONSEQUENCES!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE BULLSHIT ALREADY!!! I DON'T FEEL LIKE I OWE HER ANYTHING... AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HER PROBLEMS ABOUT LIFE WHEN SHE HAS DONE NOTHING TO BETTER IT... AND HAD PRACTICALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH MINE OR MY SONS LIFE.. I'M PROBABLY NOT THE ONLY PERSON WITH THIS PROBLEM... BUT I'M GONNA BE THE ONE WHO SAYS FUCK YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH SHIT

ANOTHER YEAR..ANOTHER CHRISTMAS PARTY GONE BY...
I WILL NEVER AGAIN MIX ...COCOANUT RUM, TEQUILA, WHISKEY, RASPBERRY VODKA AND BEER AGAIN.... MAN I PUKED LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER...
I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH FROM THAT NIGHT BUT I DO KNOW THAT I SPENT THE WHOLE NEXT DAY IN BED SICK AS A DOG...
I GUESS SOME HANDI CAPPED WOMEN GRABBED MY ASS IN THE BATHROOM...BUT I JUST KEPT WASHING MY HANDS AND WALKED OUT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED LOL...
I WAS REALLY NICE TO PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN LIKE...THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW IM DRUNK FOSHO!
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!!!! I AM NOT TAKING MY CAR TO THE BAR AGAIN!!! TUCK MY KEYS AWAY!!!!

ThANK GOD!

I am nerdier than 5% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Three guys die and go to heaven. Saint Peter meets them and says, "I’ll let u each into heaven but first u must tell me the meaning of Easter." So the first guy says, "Man this easy. Easter is when everyone dresses up in costumes and gets candy and plays tricks on each other. Its great!" " No" says Saint Peter, "Thats Halloween." He turns to the second guy, "Can u tell me the meaning of Easter?". The second guy goes, "Man thats easy! Easter is when that fat guy comes down your chimney and everyone gets presents. Man its great!" "No!" says Saint Peter, "Thats Christmas!" So being a little disappointed he turns to the third guy and says, "I suppose u cant tell me the meaning of Easter." Well" says the third guy, "u see Jesus died for our sins upon Calvary and they put him in this hole. And after three..." "WAIT wait wait" says Saint Peter, "Hey u two guys get back here and listen to this. We got someone that knows what he’s talking about. I’m sorry, please continue." "Well u see Jesus died for our sins upon Calvary and they put him in this hole. And after three days if he comes out and sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter."

It's fucking freezing in my house! The windows are old and do not keep the cold out..
IM sick of this shit and IM going to move out as soon as I can..
I put up my Christmas tree the other day and I think it looks lovely...It's a little lop sided and bald on one side... But it is mine and I love it...

you will have TO excuse my typing cause MY keyboard is screwed and I AM TOO cheap TO BY another... hAHahhAHa

watching THE NEWS IS Sad I Watch it ALMOST EVERY NIGHT and it just gets worse..
Canada IS a peaceful COUNTRY BUT SOME places are just horrible like Toronto...
THE MURDER Rate is just too high...
also watching THE DETROIT NEWS IS DISGUSTING! That place is A HOLE IN MY OPINION!
THERE WAS ALSO a report on kids with cancer who got to meet the Red Wings and it always gets me emotional to see such small KIDS Have to go threw that... My heart breaks for these kids .... My son is 6 AND MY BIGGEST FEAR IS HIM GETTING Cancer or dying ...I do think about these things I just cant HELP IT...HE IS SO SPECIAL TO ME AND TO THINK IF HIM HAVING TO BE SICK KILLS ME...NO CHILD SHOULD EVER Have to go threw an ounce of pain ... Its a sad WORLD OUT THERE.. AND THE NEWS JUST REMINDS ME OF THAT EVERY TIME I WATCH IT...SO WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?
HAHAHaha spell checker fixed most of the cap lock problems!

A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is lying in bed reading. The guy says, "This is the pig I have sex with whenever you’ve got a headache."

His wife replies, "I think you’ll find, that is a sheep."

The guy replies, "I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep."

One day Dr. Bob felt really bad for sleeping with one of his patiants. He felt bad all day long. But then a reasuring voice tells him he is not the first doctor to sleep with a patiant and you certintly aren’t the last.
Later he hears another voice that said Dr. Bob your a veternarion.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man came in. He was so striking that the woman couldn’t take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for only $200.00.......on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just four words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed $200 from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand....along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes.......and slowly, and meaningfully, said...."Paint my fuckin house!"

FUCKING BLOGGER!!!
I COULD JUST SCREAM... I FOUND QUITE A FEW GOOD BLOGS LOOKING AROUND AND CANNOT EVEN LEAVE A COMMENT CAUSE THIS PIECE OF SHIT SITE DOESN'T WORK!...IF I SEE THE WORD SMENITA AGAIN IM GONNA FREAK..
I TOOK MY VERIFICATION OFF CAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK...
I HATE THIS STUPID SITE...

*I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following
reasons: *
* *I do physical labour. *

* *I work at great depths. *

* *I plunge head first into everything I do. *

* *I do not get weekends or public holidays off. *

* *I work in a damp environment. *

* *I don’t get paid overtime. *

* *I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. *

* *I work in high temperatures. *

* *My work exposes me to contagious Diseases. *

THE STEELERS ARE ON A LOSING STREAK...
I'M NOT GONNa THROW A HISSY FIT...
FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERSS COCK SUCKING SHIT BITCH ASS CUNT GOOF SLUT WHORES FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK!
OKAY...THAT'S A LITTLE BETTER...
MAN I COULD JUST STRANGLE SOME ONE WHEN MY TEAM LOSES...
IF THEY DON'T MAKE THE PLAYOFFS OH YOUR ALL GONNA FUCKING HEAR IT!

ON ANOTHER NOTE... THIS GIRL IN MY BUILDING WAS MOVED TO THE APARTMENT BESIDE ME CAUSE HER BOYFRIEND WENT NUTS AND BEAT HER UP...
THESE PEOPLE ARE GROSS... THEIR PLACE IS SO MESSY YOU HAVE TO PUSH THE SHIT OUT OF THE WAY IN ORDER TO GET INTO THEIR PLACE... BROKEN GLASS LEFT ON THE FLOOR FOR DAYS...FOOD AND DIRT AND JUST SHIT EVERYWHERE...
THEY HAVE A YOUNG BABY ABOUT 1 YEAR OLD... THEY LEAVE HIM ON THE COUCH ALL DAY WHILE THEY SLEEP... THEY SHOULD BE SHOT.. SO NOW THEY HAVE JUST FUCKED THIS KID RIGHT UP...
AND NOW THAT THIS GIRL LIVES BESIDE ME I CAN HEAR THIS KIDS SCREAMING IT'S HEAD OFF FOR HOURS AT A TIME... THE KIDS IS JUST FUCKED UP AND I THINK THAT'S JUST WHAT IT DOES... I WANT TO STRANGLE THE SLUT FOR BEING SUCK A STUPID CUNT AND HORRIBLE MOTHER...SHE DESERVES A KICK IN THE FUCKING HEAD!!!!

This guy walks into a bar carrying a frog. He sits down on an open bar stool and sets the frog down on the bar. The bartender takes one look at the man and his frog and says, "Hey buddy, you can’t bring that frog in here!" The man stands up and picks up his frog. "You don’t understand," says the man, "this is a special frog!" "what’s so special about it?" asks the bartender. "this my friend, is the worlds first ever pussy eating frog!" exclaimes the man. "well I don’t care what kind of frog it is, get it the hell off of my bar." says the bartender. So, the man is walking towards the nearest exit with his frog when the most beautiful woman the man has ever seen stops him. "excuse me," she says, "did I hear you wrong or did you say that your frog eats pussy?""Why yes, yes it does," says the man. "ok!"says the woman, "here’s what I want you to do...Come upstairs to the hotel room number seven tonight at midnight, and bring your frog. I’ll be waiting." So the guy brings the frog upstairs to room number seven at midnight. He finds the door half open. The woman says, "come in it’s unlocked.". The man and his frog find the woman laying on the bed spread eagle completely naked. "Ok," says the woman, "put that frog to work!" The guy sets the frog on the womans thigh and says, "go frog, go!" but the frog just sits there staring at him. "it’s alright, sometimes it takes him a little while to get going," the man says. "go frog, go!" he says once more, but again the frog just stares at him. The woman sighs and says, "I think you are a liar, I don’t think your frog eats pussy at all!" The man says, "wait, give it one more chance." He says, "go frog go!" but the frog just sits there motionless so the man reaches down and picks up the frog and says, "Damnit frog, this is the last time I’m going to show you how to do this!"

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.

"Now class," she said, "I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family. But that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,

"Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand".

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a Russian navalship with American authorities off Costa Rica in October,1985.

Russians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Russians: This is the Captain of a Russian naval vessel. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Americans: No. I say again, YOU divert YOUR course.

Russians: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER BREZNIETSKI, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE ATLANTIC FLEET OF THE USSR, YANKEE SON-OF-A-BITCH . WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE MOTHERFUCKER DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP!!

Americans: This is a lighthouse, ASSHOLE........ Your call.

I FAILED COLLEGE MATH ...SO YAY!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 7/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

THANK GOD IM CANADIAN!!!

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 3 out of 10 right!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

I HATE THE COLOUR BLUE!!!!

Your Birthdate: August 27

You are a spiritual soul - a person who tries to find meaning in everything.
You spend a good amount of time meditating, trying to figure out life.
Helping others is also important to you. You enjoy social activities with that goal.
You are very generous and giving. Yet you expect very little in return.

Your strength: Getting along with anyone and everyone

Your weakness: Needing a good amount of downtime to recharge

Your power color: Cobalt blue

Your power symbol: Dove

Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?